What monogamish looks like
Each of these is a different agreement, and each is monogamish:
- A threesome once in a while, together, with someone neither of you will see again.
- Permission to kiss or flirt at a party, and tell each other about it after.
- A hall pass for a trip, with rules about protection and telling.
- Going to a lifestyle club to watch, and nothing more.
- An understanding that if something happens, it is confessed, not hidden, and forgiven in advance.
Monogamish vs open relationship
An open relationship has openness as a standing feature; monogamish has it as an exception. Open couples often have ongoing other partners; monogamish couples almost never do, and would call that something else. The difference is mostly scale and intent, which is why monogamish is where many couples start, and where some stay.
Why couples choose it
Because full monogamy was costing them something small but real, and full openness would cost them more than they want to pay. Monogamish lets a couple name the thing they are already tempted by and make it safe, rather than making it a secret. It also gives people a word for a marriage that is faithful in spirit and slightly flexible in practice, which, once named, turns out to describe a great many marriages.
Questions people ask
Is monogamish the same as an open relationship?
No. An open relationship is open as a rule; a monogamish one is closed as a rule with a named exception. Many couples slide from one to the other over time, in either direction.
Who invented the word monogamish?
The advice columnist Dan Savage, who used it to describe his own marriage and argued that a little flexibility keeps more couples together than strict monogamy does. The word stuck because it named something many couples were already doing.
Is monogamish cheating?
No, as long as the exception was agreed by both people before it happened. The same act done without that agreement is cheating. Monogamish is a shared rule, not a private loophole.